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If you are a new father or a pregnant father, maybe you have some assumptions about what it means to be a father. These ideas stem from your experiences with your father and the classic expectations of a society from a father. Unfortunately, there are very few publications that can help you to test these general concerns and find an outlet for yourself. You can test and understand the unexpressed expectations of fatherhood more, and now you have a better opportunity to become the father you want to be. Perhaps the biggest concern is the definition of being a baba good father ”. But paternity is not a fixed whole. During pregnancy, during the first three years of paternity, men change and develop identity as a father.
Here are five other common beliefs and the hidden truths behind them;
Worry 1: Only the feelings of the pregnant woman are important.
Worry 2: Newborns don't really need their fathers
Worry 3: Men don't know how to take care of children
Concern 4: Men with focus on children cannot succeed in business
Worry 5: It is your destiny to be a father like your father…
Concern 1: Only the feelings of the pregnant woman are important;
Surprising changes in your partner's body during pregnancy and her focus on the birth process make it easy to count and care about her feelings. Your interest in his physical and mental health is important now and for the next period, that is why your emotions are somewhere.
It is easy for a pregnant father to talk excitedly about the positive aspects of being a father, and the feeling of fear and delusion is inevitable. Will I love birth? Is there goingto be any medical confusion? How will our relationship change? Can I become a father and continue my career?
Your wife needs to hear your feelings. Most men hide their fears of pregnancy and fatherhood because they don't want to raise their husbands' worries. You should not be afraid to share this burden! Women want this kind of interaction and they know that being a father is a challenge. You must share your fears with your wife.
You can find other pregnant fathers, read a good book about becoming a father, attend a paternity class or support group. You must allow yourself to express feelings of excitement and vulnerability. If we always play the strong man, we lose a part of ourselves. During pregnancy and first paternity, you will assess your ties and challenge your worries.
Concern 2: Newborns do not really need their fathers;
The close bond between the mother and the baby may leave you wondering if the baby needs you, especially if you are breastfeeding. You're an important person in his life, and being with you reassures him, soothes him. Take care of your baby, hold him, shake, kiss and smell him, but wait until he finishes eating, then he can give you all his attention. After a meal, your baby will be an opportunity for your partner to collect energy after breastfeeding. And you can help your baby indirectly by helping your partner at home. Relieving her workload will allow her to relax more with the baby. Remember, you change everything for your family and your happiness in the new period.
Worry 3: Men don't know how to take care of children;
This is a big lie that makes it difficult for fathers to make their first ties to their babies and makes mothers fear and worry about whether fathers can hold the child. Even the authorities previously acknowledged that fathers were incompetent, but later their ideas changed. Paternity is learned by studying. If you spend time with your baby, you may be more sensitive to feeling her needs.
Concern 4: Men with focus on children cannot do business;
Men use success as a measure as the main source of their self-esteem and values. The message underlined by the society is that the man chooses his family at the expense of professional failure and sacrifices himself. But we are at the beginning of an epic change in cultural norms. More men find fatherhood meaningful, and this increases the status of fathers. Some men prefer to spend time with their families instead of career advancement because what they learn in paternity are irreplaceable values. For most men, feeling a good father is an important achievement in life.
Worry 5: You are destined to be a father like your father…
When you become a father, you will have a different importance in your father's eyes. To be a better or worse boba, you will follow the footsteps of that old man. But your father shouldn't be the primary model for fatherhood. It's just an influence on what kind of father you are. Teachers, coaches, friends, uncles, siblings, who have grown you for years, have to look up and create your own identity as a father. Different cultures approach fatherhood differently. In fact, in some African cultures, the father; it is a group of men, not a person. Paternity is a social structure, a meaning that is complemented by individual cultural needs. This is what our father does. For them, being a good father means providing a home, food, and education. Perhaps our fathers did not spend as much time with us as we did with our children.
You should make the best choices for your family. You should try to see paternity as a developing role when you explore possibilities. You can take the positive aspects of your own family and add what your father can't do to your own style.
How to challenge the five Concerns of Paternity
1- Give yourself time to become an impressive father. Share your feelings with your partner and other fathers.
2- Talk to your baby, shake it, hold it on your lap, kiss and smell it.
3- Learn to feed your baby, change diapers, have a bath, and be a part of your life.
4- Don't waste time with your baby
5- Try to gather the best features that will create your identity as a father from your father, teachers, coaches, friends and relatives. You can be a good model with what you get from each one.