How is your communication with your child? Do you take your child's opinion on anything he can understand and make you feel that you value his opinion? Or more kullanıy because I want to, I'm your mother ”, zorund you have to do this” do you use sentences? Or because you don't want to disappoint your child, you let him do whatever he wants, and you don't let him do something that he should never do according to his mood? All this aside, when your child needs you, do you always find yourself explaining why you can't be there for him, explaining your various excuses? Moreover, are you indifferent to his needs, experiences in school, friendship situations or where they are doing? These are models of behavior that scientifically reveal what type of mother you are. So how does this scientifically defined 4 motherhood model affect your child's present and future? Sena Yücesan, an expert psychologist from Acıbadem International Hospital, stated that; Stating that there are 4 different parenting styles, she has prepared an informative article where you can determine your motherhood model and explained the effects to your child; made important warnings and suggestions.
Democratic Mothers / Hot but tight
• If you listen to your child, try to understand his / her opinion and value his / her ideas instead of saying, Because I said so ”,“ I wanted so ”, • If you try to negotiate all kinds of issues with your child, but you have the final responsibility, • Your child's day is planned; • If you are trying to find a common way with the house, what the rules you put in, what you do, but the result is not punishment when you do not follow the rules; • If your child can communicate with you easily, can share his / her thoughts with you, know that you will not judge or condemn him, • Your expectations from your child are generally appropriate to his / her age and development, • Encourage him / her to be an independent individual.
Effects on child
According to research, children of democratic mothers are able to tie their discussion to a good point and learn to overcome the debate. This type of parenting helps the child grow up in a healthy environment and promotes a productive relationship between mother and child. The children of democratic mothers are thought to be more likely to be socially competent, responsible and autonomous.
Authoritarian Mothers / için Because I want to! Öyle
• If you believe that your child should follow the rules without asking any questions regardless of the conditions, • List your own expectations instead of options for his / her life, • Use strict discipline, use restrictive and punitive style, • You often “I want to öyle,“ Because I say so, I am your mother. ”,“ We love your brother more well than him ”, t You made me sick”, bırak I leave you and leave you ”. and these expectations do not coincide with its development.
Effects on child
It is observed that children who have been treated with authoritarian style have little school compliance. They tend to remain silent when there is authority, and become aggressive when they do not. The children are either rebellious or addicted. The rebellious child can exhibit aggressive behavior. Children who are more obedient can become dependent on their families. Children of authoritative mothers can be individuals with low self-esteem, fearful or shy, having difficulties in social situations, and possibly incapable of behaving inappropriately while out of maternal care. Although some authoritarian rules and structures are important for raising healthy children, these well-intentioned practices can overdo them and start harming the child. For these reasons, it is very important to support the provided structure with open communication!
Permissible Moms / Mom not like friends
• If you avoid saying ”no iyle on the grounds that your child may be disappointed, • Usually stretching the rules according to your child's mood and feelings, • Avoiding conflicts with your child in a healthy way, • Avoiding possible conflicts so that you do not become a mother to be a friend. • Excessive rewards or promises to motivate him to do things, • behave very warmly but uncontrollably; ”Style sentences,
Effects on child
This model of motherhood is thought to be harmful. Even if it is thought that this is the kind of motherhood that a child may want most, the feeling of freedom given without the consequences may harm the child in the long run. Children may have difficulty in controlling themselves and show self-centered tendencies in conducting peer relationships. In order to feel safe, some children need to know that their mother can put limits on them when necessary. In the child's development, the roles of mother and child should be clearly predicted. According to a scientific study, it was found that the children of permitting mothers were three times more likely to receive high doses of alcohol than other children! This reveals the importance of the concept of border and clarity of roles in the mother-child relationship.
• You cannot find time to take care of your child's emotional or physical needs; If you do not know more than the name of your child's friends, teachers, and do not have any expectation of your child, do not have any expectation, and do not have any expectation, If you are indifferent to your experiences at school, situations in friendships, or where you are doing, use sentences such as “I don't care where you are”, neden Why should I care what you do? kull • You do not want to be disturbed by your child and tend to care for your own life.
Effects on child
If the above describes you or someone you know, it may indicate that the child is at increased risk of harm. Negligent mothers can pose a risk to their children as they can deprive them of the basic sense of trust they need to explore the outside world. Furthermore, children who are in negative communication with their mother or who are not in communication may have difficulty in communicating with their peers or other people and conducting the communication established. If you think that you or someone close to you is a neglected parent, it is recommended that you seek help from school guidance teachers, specialist psychologists or psychological counselors to avoid harming the child or making a devastating impact on your life.
The most useful is to be a 'democratic' mother but…
Sena Yücesan, an expert psychologist, stated that en democratic ından motherhood is the most suitable model for healthy child development from four different maternity styles. balances love, mother-child interaction and the behavior of the child. Such an atmosphere allows the child to build self-confidence, mother's ability to draw boundaries, and to develop healthy autonomy within the framework of the compliance of the rules and guidelines. However, the mother's mothering style can affect the child, while the child's behavior can affect the mother's parenting. The healthiest seems to be the 'democratic' motherhood attitude; but it is not enough for us to say that this is the best type of parenting for everyone. We cannot connect a child's academic achievement or capacity to assume responsibility to the motherhood attitude by separating it from the 'individuality' of the child. The individuality, perception and environmental factors of the child also play an important role on the child's behavior. In addition, not every mother has a single parenting attitude. There are also mothers who combine them. For example; a mother who allows her child to go on holiday with her friends exhibits a democratic style, while the same mother uses authoritarian style and democratic style in a way that does not allow her child to get into the car her friends use without explaining the reason. ”