Children and discipline

Children and discipline

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Ayşegül was screaming and screaming inside the house again. Whenever he caught something and his mother said no, he was screaming and screaming, crying and kicking for a long time rağmen Although he was only 5 years old, he was in control of the house. Because each time they shout and recoil after the mother or father to give up at the end of giving up what they wanted. Although many attempts at the beginning did not work. They tried to punish them, even after hitting them a couple of times, despite their regret. Most of the time, when his mother said no, his father claimed that he was tired and could not listen to him scream and that Ayşegül would get what he wanted. A few times, even though the father was angry with the parents to scream at this, the child wants the toy on the bottom of what is said to upset. Ayşegül had now learned how to get her parents to work, she was the authority at home…

Ayşegül's parents were very happy to learn that they would have children. When the baby was born, he was a cute, easygoing kid. He was the first grandson in the family and he was shaking over the whole family. However, when the day came and Ayşegül broke the peace in the house to do what they wanted, they started to think about where they had done wrong and how to restore discipline at home. Where was that lovely little baby gone, and now he was opposing them, even though they didn't say one or two. Where was the wrong one?

To find the answer to this question, you first need to look at what discipline means. Psychologist Nur Dinçer from DBE Behavioral Sciences Institute, He describes young discipline as follows: iplin Discipline means that one maintains order and lives regularly. If we talk about discipline in the family, we can think of family members living in a certain order. Since each family has a different order, we can say that there is a different understanding of discipline. While some families practice more rigid discipline, some families may be more flexible or do not give much space to rules. ”

How to maintain discipline?

The way to teach discipline to a child is often tried by applying rewards and punishments. Parents are often undecided about what to do when the child does not behave as they wish. Sometimes they react violently, penalties follow each other, and sometimes mistakes can be ignored.

All children need explanations when learning the rules. When teaching rules to their children, parents should first talk about how to ensure discipline among themselves and ensure consistency. The child cannot predict how the mother and father will react to different reactions to the same event. Sometimes the father can say no to something that the mother allows in the family. This will only be possible if the parents speak the same language. Otherwise, the child will go from mother to father to whom he has answered no and try until he gets what he wants. Or once you respond to his behavior well, this time, it will be a problem for the child to recognize the boundaries and the child will always try to expand the boundaries.

What should we do if we want to teach the child a desired behavior?

  • One of the most frequent complaints of parents is that or although I have said many times, he is doing the same thing, we tried all kinds of punishment but he didn't.. Discipline does not mean punishment. Demonstrating rigid behavior, making everything rules, and punishing when these rules are not applied do not ensure that the desired behavior is established. At the same time, strict approaches will cause conflict to grow and make life at home uncomfortable. The child only takes a model and learns by looking at the example in front of him. One of the points to consider is the practice of the discipline that we try to teach the child first. For example, it would be consistent if we tell the child how wrong it is to treat his friends wrong and therefore pay attention to how we treat each other as family members at home before punishing him, telling him that swearing is bad, and getting angry in traffic and swearing at the other driver. If we behave in a disciplined and orderly manner as parents, the child will take this as an example.
  • Another point is to tell the child what the rules in the house are, what you expect from him. The child cannot obey the rules in matters he does not know. From today it would be unfair to expect the child to follow a rule that I have never applied before. If the child knows what is expected of him in advance, he will be eliminated in the conflict at home. The explanations we will make, telling our expectations in a correct and clear language will give him the chance to exhibit the right behavior. One important point is that our expectations are appropriate to the age and structure of the child.
  • Discipline is that a person lives in a certain order. When we begin to teach the rules, our main goal is to allow the child to adopt them and to live regularly without the need for warnings. In this way, we avoid being constantly warned, punished, and having conflicts at home, and are avoided from being criticized, scolded and punished at every opportunity.
  • It is natural that every person should use the way of trial and error while learning something new and make mistakes when trying. The child will try to learn new rules, see the consequences, maybe make one or two more mistakes but learn. The important thing is to show him the patience and support he needs in these trial and error. The first mistake he made is to get angry or punish, to make you think wrong before you let him think it is useless to prevent you from learning to behave.
  • When the child shows the desired behavior, it is necessary to patiently explain that you have noticed the effort he has made for this behavior, that you have appreciated him, that you sometimes appreciate him even for the effort he has made, even if the result is wrong, and that this time the event has not been positive and what he should do next. We warn the child too much about what he can't do. What about positive behavior? They often don't even need to appreciate it because it is usual and behavior that needs to be done.
  • Positive behavior will only be reinforced if it sees a positive response. How much we give ourselves the opportunity to make mistakes, how much to our children ... Sometimes for a while only to see the positive behavior, focus on them, it may be necessary to remind often of the wrong behavior. To appreciate and reward should be done immediately after the desired behavior. Otherwise, the child will forget what he / she has been rewarded or appreciated for and will not remember to exhibit the same positive behavior.
  • Patience is sometimes difficult. Because children are very successful in pushing their parents' patience. First of all, when you feel that you are going to explode, tell the child what your feelings are and then stop the discussion and wait for both you and the child to calm down. I was angry with the child, but I wonder how much of this anger is really directed towards the child and how many other reasons. Sometimes you're looking for a place to explode because you're moving a problem you're having at work or an event that pisses you off that day. The easiest target is the child. Explain your feeling that you are very angry or tired of the child when you feel the debate has started. The child will understand. Sometimes the same behavior can continue to come and do not understand you, but every time you behave in the same way after a while the child will notice this change and he will talk through the emotions, perhaps why he behaved like that day, will tell you if something annoying. When a child does something undesirable, it is important to make him think about the consequences and explain it. If the rules set in the house are not followed, the child should be told about the harm that will occur to him or her and to think about them. It is necessary to give the child the opportunity. If the child persistently scrambles, disrupts, and distributes his brother's belongings, it should be told that this is wrong, that he is upset about his brother, and that he is helped by his brother to collect his belongings and to help compensate and think about his negative behavior. Punishing your child will cause anger increase. As the source of the increased anger is that you will be the link between the punishment and the behavior of the child, so that you will not have the opportunity to think about the outcome of the behavior. However, the aim should be to learn the result and endure it, to make it think. Rewarding method is also a method of rewarding each behavior financially. If you do your lesson, I'll buy you some candy or take you for a ride, and after a while, the child's wishes can become unmet. The child learns to act with bribes. In the award dose is important. The award should be given only after the desired behavior, not in advance; it is an award if verbal. The desired behavior must be done after a while without reward. The goal should be to establish the behavior learned through rewarding and to be done without the need for reward.

It should not forget that the more positive we approach the child, the more positive we can get. We must remember that we should apply the same to the child as we expect for ourselves here.

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