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I'm happy to report that I've never had a partner say after the birth that they felt left out. I think that's because, like most doulas, I make an extra effort to include the primary partner in everything. For example, I gently suggest ways he or she could help you. I also communicate what I'm doing and why. I pay attention to body language to make sure your partner is comfortable with what we're doing, and talk about it if I'm not sure.
Sometimes I sense that I need to stand back and let your partner support you alone, and that's the time I step out to use the restroom, or get a drink of water, or even just stand in the hall for a few minutes.
It's important that the three of you sit down before your birth and discuss everyone's role expectations. A doula is certainly not there to replace your partner but rather to guide and encourage your support person.
