Parents determine the personality of the child

Parents determine the personality of the child

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Psychiatrist at Yeditepe University Hospital Zeynep Göktuna, if the child is given excessive discipline and excessive love at the same time anxious and insecure, excessive discipline and insufficient love at the same time if the child is given aggressive and antisocial, excessive love and undisciplined education reminds us that the child will be introverted if education and inadequate love are given, and 'excessive repressive and authoritarian', 'unstable and unstable', 'permissive' (overly tolerant), 'indifferent and indifferent', 'overprotective and intrusive' , 'perfectionist' and 'democratically' seven types of attitudes are talking about the parents.
Authoritarian and oppressive
In this attitude seen in traditional family structures, control is high and sensitivity is low. The personality traits, interests and needs of the child are not taken into consideration. There is only one disciplinary approach that the parents set the rules and communication is one-way. The child is expected to obey the rules without any explanation. The method used in education is punishment. Punishment is either deprived of love or physical punishment (violence). The purpose of punishment here is not to give new behavior, but to eliminate unwanted behavior. Everything the child does is conspicuous and the child is constantly punished. Even if the child is positive, he cannot say that for fear of punishment. Because while the positive behaviors are ignored and criticized, mistakes made are revealed. Love, compassion and warmth are not shown for fear of being spoiled.

In the attitude of MTP parents, parents raise children according to their own patterns and suppress the child's wishes. Verbal communication between parents and children is negligible. The child cannot participate in the conversation of the mother and father. The communication between the father and the child is often buffered by the mother. She cannot go home to her children's friends, has no secrets, and has no right to individualization. Crying bouts are frequently seen in children exposed to this attitude. In short, the MTP is to set rules for the child as soon as it happens and to raise it with uninhabitable rules.

Children raised by the MTP parent attitude are passive towards parents because they are afraid of being mistreated, but they develop feelings of hostility towards them. Because these children are experiencing some form of 'emotional abuse', they can show their pain by hurting themselves (for example by cutting off one's arm). They are always stressed because they are constantly searched for defects and make more mistakes when they are stressed. They even look suspiciously at people who treat themselves well because of their parents' abuse. They feel worthless because they don't see approval. They express their suppressed feelings and thoughts that they develop against the mother and father by exhibiting aggressive behaviors towards the weak ones. They live as shy people who do not feel confident. Since they are punished every time they make mistakes, they adopt the idea that lar those who make mistakes must be punished ve and behave intolerant even in the smallest mistake. Because children who grow up with this attitude cannot take the right to speak in their own families, they have difficulty in expressing their feelings and thoughts in their social lives and they choose to work in jobs where they can be supervised by others. Children who grow up with the attitude of MTP parents behave as they should in their lives, not in their own way, and they grow up as individuals who give more importance to the feelings and thoughts of others about themselves.

Unstable And Unstable
This attitude occurs when the children are not treated equally as a result of differences such as disparity between parents, psychological state of the parents, order of birth and gender. In DVK parental attitude, one of the parents is compassionate and extremely tolerant and the other is harsh and authoritarian. For example, when a mother approves a child's behavior, the father does not approve, and this happens frequently. In this attitude, parents may react differently to the same behavior at different times. An example of this attitude is when a mother does not allow anything when she is angry, but when she is calm, she does not allow anything. In these families, the attitude of the parents alternates between extreme tolerance and harsh punishment. It is unclear when discipline will be applied. The child cannot predict which behavior is desired where and when. Children who are raised with the attitude of DVK parents cannot defend themselves comfortably in any environment, cannot express their opinions clearly, have internal conflicts and learn not to trust first parents and then other people. They live as unstable and unstable adults who suspect everything and everyone.

Permissive (Extreme Tolerant)
This attitude is common in families with single children and children who are older than middle age. Permissive parental attitudes are child-centered parental attitudes in which excessive love is given to the child, no sanctions, rules are not defined by the limits, every child's request is fulfilled instantly. The head of the house is a child and the child determines the rules. When the child misbehaves, he has learned that the punishments are postponed “if you do it again am. The rights granted to the child are unlimited and the duties and expectations are minimal. This excessive tolerance causes the child to dominate the family and show little respect.

Children who grow up with permissive parental attitude cannot know their limits, cannot postpone their requests because they are accustomed to rules, they become irritable when their requests are postponed and threaten parents. The child, who makes it a habit to have his family do whatever he wants, also expects this attitude from his friends and experiences harmony in the school environment and in the friendship environment. Children raised with permissive parents; they get insatiable for getting what they want, they do not accept criticism, they live as proud, arrogant, impatient individuals.

Indifferent And Indifferent
When an unwanted child is born, this attitude is seen in parents who have not fully adopted being a parent, with many children, living in crowds, and families with low education levels. It is seen that fathers who adopt the IVK attitude are not interested in their children and home life, mothers are not interested in home, do not give importance to education, stay away from their children and adopt the duties of motherhood. In the attitude of İVK parents, the understanding of 'let go of meadow in the meadow' is dominant, tolerance and neglect are mixed together. In these families, either mother only, father only, or both, they are unresponsive to their child's interests and needs. Parents do not care about their children's mental health and school success, do not give enough time to their children and do not make any effort for their children.

Behavioral disorders such as mood swings, using vulgar and obscene language, pretension and interest curiosity, escaping from school, making noise in the classroom and speaking without speaking can be seen in children raised with this attitude. Children who are raised in families who adopt this attitude can make wrong friendships and acquire harmful habits with the feeling of belonging to a group. Attitudes and behaviors that will negatively affect their lives such as apathy towards school, not knowing rules, not being able to evaluate the time well, being prone to crime, wanting to live by himself or even leaving school and starting to work at an early age are quite common.
Extreme Protective And Intervention
This attitude is frequently encountered in families who have lost their families, have had late children, one or more of their children are sick, have not received attention from their own families, have problems in their marital life, and have either mental problems in their spouses or both. The excessive anxiety that parents develop for their children leads to overprotection. This protection is mostly experienced in the relationship between mother and child. In this attitude, even if the child is old enough to meet his needs, the parent continues to meet all the needs of the child, and does not allow the child to do anything on his own with the concern that something bad will happen to him.

From personal care to social skills, all the needs of the child are met. In this attitude, parents live their lives through the child, develop addiction to the child. The child is given excessive love but no responsibility. The parents fulfill the responsibilities of the child themselves. The behaviors intended to be gained to the child are tried to be gained by the method of emotion exploitation or excessive compassion, and the child is spoiled as he is spoiled. Preparing the school bag, choosing and dressing clothes, doing homework can be presented as an example of extreme protection behavior. Raised with this attitude, children who do not know what to do in the face of difficulties, relying on his mother and father in every event, dependent on the family, who develops dependence against everyone who can take him under the protection of this protection and waiting for his wife, who wants to serve him in the future, feeling insensitive developed, timid, they remain timid 'adult children who never grow up'.

In this attitude, parents want their children to realize the life they cannot realize and expect the best of everything from their child. The child is subjected to training that exceeds its capacity, all childish behaviors are prohibited, and the choice of friends is made by the parents. The ideas of children raised by perfectionist parental attitudes are often very rigid, for them either something is very positive or very negative. In this attitude, the child is trapped between his instincts and the expectations of the family, which causes the child to have feelings of love and hate among his family. Raised with this attitude, children want to do the best of everything and be superior. If they don't get the level they want, they'll be disappointed and stop working altogether.

In this attitude, it is seen that parents accept their children with unconditional love and prepare an environment to develop their talents by considering the interests of the child. In families who have adopted a democratic parent attitude, the family is at peace. Family members can express their feelings and thoughts to each other easily, they are clear and clear about their feelings towards each other, when they face a problem, they try to solve it all together, and defend that children have the right to make a decision about the house. Everyone has an equal say. The child is considered an independent individual and the child is encouraged to speak. The child is released in the decisions he / she will make and the behaviors and limits accepted and not accepted in the family are clear. The child is free within these limits. Mother and father are good models for their children and they do not do behaviors that they do not want to see in their children. Children who grow up with democratic parental attitudes are brought to life as individuals who know their limits, can defend their beliefs to the end, are not blindly bound to authority, can establish relationships, respect ideas and are tolerant individuals.

How to treat the child?
If we give the child advice with words like yapma do not like this,, if we direct them by using expressions such as otur sit down and study your lesson çalış, if you judge with words such as hep you always run away easily,, and criticize you saying “you are an idiot“ “stupid” if we ask questions such as inquiries and crimes, “in fact I know why you do that”, and if you analyze it with words like “your problem is another”, ek never mind, it will correct, don't bother ”, the child will talk to us when we want to, if we don't listen to him and talk about something else; the child may think that he or she is not understood and disliked, may be offended, self-esteem may be harmed, develop a negative perspective towards life and start to respect himself and his environment, act against his stubbornness, respond, develop feelings of anger, anger, insecurity, lie and express himself may feel unsuccessful.

Correct Behavior
Underlining that democratic attitude is the most ideal parent attitude, Specialist Psychologist Zeynep Göktuna says that it is necessary to show that the child is understood, accepted and loved unconditionally so as not to cause negative feelings to the child. Kt We should devote time to the child, create different conversation topics to talk to the child, often give him the right to speak, look into the child's eyes while listening to the child, listen to him with his ear, make him feel that we value his ideas, Gö said Göktuna. continues:
Iz We should give the child age-appropriate responsibilities, appreciate him, not humiliate him among others, compare with other children, criticize him, and avoid being judgmental. We should encourage him to take the floor in the community. We should be sensitive to the wishes and needs of the child, give them the opportunity to succeed, respect their beliefs and ideas, praise them for what they do correctly, and encourage them to aim for the better. ”

Kt It is not a one-way communication established by just saying something to the child, giving advice, listening to words, iletişim Göktuna concludes with an excerpt from Mevlana: “Communication is not speaking the same language but sharing the same emotions.”

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