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My son turned 3 last week and (I think) a child's birthday is a good time to reflect on where you are as a parent.
Lately my thoughts are focused around patterns that I find myself falling into. My cousin posted this story – an open letter to moms who don't feed their kids organic food – on her Facebook feed last week. When I read it, I muttered to myself "I am so glad I don't know people like that."
Then it dawned on me that I don't know any "mean green parents" because I'm not putting myself in a position to know them.
My son goes to daycare and it is the obvious place to interact with new parents. When he first started, I knew every kid and parent in his classroom. There were some parents I genuinely wanted to get to know better. Eventually those people moved on and I stopped trying to keep up. It seems like everyone just nods hello, packs up their kids, and goes home to make dinner (myself included).
I have access to plenty of friends and family with children of similar ages. We get along well. The idea of engaging new parents with their own priorities, theories, and causes to champion...sounds exhausting. I know I'm not going to be able to politely ignore his classmates' parents forever without it negatively impacting him.
I can't quite buy into the "we have kids the same age, let's be pals" mindset. I am not sure why, either. On paper, the idea of socializing with parents around the same age, living in the same neighborhood, and caring for a child sounds like a slam dunk. But it doesn't work out that way. People are busy and have their own lives and schedules, so making a solid connection is difficult. So difficult that it becomes easier to develop a short-hand way of dismissing someone to avoid the effort altogether.
Raising children is intense. I attribute that intensity to 24-hour news cycles and the internet. So much time and energy is spent on the betterment of our children that a different parenting method can be the start of a major disagreement. I am a pragmatist at heart and I am not ready to box myself into any style or methodology and I don't want to have to defend what I am doing either.
The glut of parenting advice available is impossible absorb and process. But it can't be ignored. We form tribes around the ideas that resonate with us and find ways to shelter ourselves from what doesn't; reinforcing our chosen methods with "proven" success stories.
All that being said, I have to remind myself that I have to do better for my son, because it really is about him.
Opinions expressed by parent contributors are their own.
Name Arcade - Meaning and origin
Origin of first name:
Meaning of the name:
This rare name is an ancient Greek word for "Arkadia", referring to the ancient Greek region in the center of the Peloponnese.
Arcade de Bourges is the 22nd bishop of Bourges en Berry who lived around 549. It is celebrated on August 1st.
His character :
Arcade is a thoughtful person, calm and serene. He is a very resistant person, armed to face the many difficulties of life. His first quality is his patience and his ability to apprehend each event with discernment. Arcade does not spare his efforts when he undertakes something. He is especially very open to others thanks to his extrovert side. It is easy to make new friends. What is appreciated at home is his special attachment to his family members.
Arcade, Ardian, Arcadian, Hardy and Arch.
His party :
The Arcades are traditionally celebrated on January 26th.
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When the boy just wants to be with mom
We all know cases of babies and children who have what is known as'mastitis'. They cling to the mother's legs or arms and do not want anyone to touch, hold, feed or play with them, not even the father. It is usually a stage and responds, almost always, to one or more reasons: jealousy at the arrival of a brother, the mother returns to work, feels more secure with mother or has to be attended by a caregiver during the day.
My niece fits perfectly into the pattern of: 'children with acute mastitis'. He is only 13 months old, but he always knows where his mother is, and if she is not in his field of vision, he begins to cry. When you try to pick her up, she extends her little hands towards her as if asking for help and cries if her mother doesn't pay her proper attention. I know of other cases of older children, their mothers did not stop this excessive dependence and it is shocking to see how an older child does not want to be more than 70 centimeters away from his mother's body
- Between the arms of the mother everything is easier and simpler. They have been with her from the beginning and feel safe by her side.
- The arrival of a sibling can shake their little world and demand more attention from their mother.
- A change in their life such as starting in kindergarten or changing their address can make them feel afraid or insecure and they want to cling to the one who provides the most love, attention or security.
- When the mother returns to work it is normal for it to happen, since before they had mother all the time to themselves and now they have to be away from her for most of the day. In those cases, when the mother appears at the door, there is no longer any way to remove them from her side.
That the baby or the child only wants to be with mother, does not mean I do not love the father or rejecting other family members. It simply happens that with the mother he has lived more moments of attachment such as breastfeeding and that makes him feel more secure and calm with her.
This phase will pass when the child begins to be more autonomous, although we can help him by playing with him for a while and then leaving the room so that he remains only a few minutes. We can talk to him so that he knows that we are there, but at the same time we make him understand that each one of us may be doing a different task.
Dad can help by doing activities that are attractive to the child: play piggyback with him, read him a story, play with clay, teach him fun things ... These will be small moments that will intensify confidence.
In the park we can help you to play with other children, just by sitting with them and participating in their games until little by little, we withdraw so that the children can interact.
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